The NOLA Jailbreak-Down
Sam Sykes ~ 05/20/2025
Last week ten inmates escaped from Orleans Parish Prison in one of the wildest jailbreaks of the century. After ripping a toilet and sink off of a wall and scribbling “To Easy LoL” and “We Innocent”, these guys crawled through the hole, and somehow, right out of the prison. There is so much to unpack culturally and politically, but let’s start with the obvious. It’s impressive that they spelled “innocent” correctly despite their clear disdain for grammar.
The Facts
Let’s start with the facts. New Orleans is a shit hole. That’s not an opinion, it’s a fact. The city is easily the most murderous in the country at 70 murders per 100,000 people, at that rate can we just say 7 per 10,000. There are so many murders that we can reduce the fraction, they have the 8th highest murder rate in the WORLD. I won’t spend all day defending my characterization of New Orleans as a shithole, so if you disagree, just look and see where they rank with things like robbery and rape. Hint, they love it.
High crime’s best friend is governmental corruption and NOLA is rife with South Africa levels of politicians embroiled in wild and downright retarded scandals. The woman they marched out as the spokesperson for the escape looked like a clown and had such a tenuous grasp on the English language that I had to look up what country her accent was from before discovering that she is actually from America. She donned ridiculous big green glasses and LARPed as a cop in her press conference, defending the jail and blaming basically anyone else.
It doesn’t take much digging to see that the jail’s problem is not funding, but management by people who are completely unaccountable for their actions. This is why they have only managed to recover four of the criminals in the five days since the escape. Of the six still at large, one is an alleged thief and domestic abuser (strangulation) and the other five are alleged murderers.
The Feelings
The main inspiration for this article was the strange feeling that I and most other men felt when we heard of the break. I’m not talking about the settled down long-view of “I hope they get those guys and bring them to justice” and after hearing about their murders, “just fucking shoot them”. I am referring to the small snap of excitement that, unfortunately, I felt when I heard these guys escaped.
I assume a part of me likes to see a city so rife with corruption embarrass itself on a national and global stage, but let’s be honest for a moment. None of the retards running things in that city will be shamed, they will just shift blame and ask (and receive) more funding they can piss away. Maybe it was the relationship between the hell and confinement of incarceration with the liberation of finding a way to freedom. Even the note “To Easy” has an air of rebellion to it that really resonates with the fuck you to oppression. Even if that oppression was totally justifiable and obviously, not excessive enough. A jailbreak is one of the most interesting things that can happen and the idea of someone living the rest of their lives on the lam is straight out of Hollywood. You can imagine a guy escaping police custody and running away to the woods of the Pacific Northwest to grow a beard and take up a job in the lumber or fishing industry. He lives a quiet life, maybe gets married and has kids only to be discovered as who he really was on his deathbed. It’s a cool fantasy, but we don’t live in those times anymore.
The Reality
The simple fact is that the Orleans Parish jailbreak of 2025 signifies a huge problem. Scores of unqualified employees burning taxpayer money faster than they can get it as our institutions and infrastructure crumble to the ground. A degree in bullshit from Howard University and a willingness to kickback money to whoever hires you is more important to an employer than anything these days. Cities get more dangerous and the solution always seems to be more money, not firing the unscrupulous morons responsible for such disorder.
The other reality that sets in after the initial excitement of an escape is the potential mayhem that can be caused by the criminals. We can leave the romantic story of the secret criminal seeking a new life in the wet and cold mountains of Washington at the fucking door, these guys are not pursuing that life. I assume that for the remaining six at large, the first item on the docket is to get fucked up on drugs and alcohol. Can’t (really) do that in jail and now is the time to have some fun. While these guys face life for murder, they understand any drugs they get are gonna be seriously stepped on and more bleach and grass clippings than actual drugs while the booze is basically just rotten food sludge. After indulging themselves for a few days they may return to a life of making money off the books, and I don’t mean dog-walking or bartending. It’s only six dudes, but six guys with nothing to lose, and a GTA lifestyle can single-handedly affect the crime stats, even in a place like New Orleans.
The most alarming thing they could do is seek revenge or silence from the victims and witnesses of their crimes. This is a real concern, the one thing we know they are capable of, is killing. One can hope that the city of New Orleans would take every precaution to protect and even relocate victims' families, but this is the place that let ten dudes (seven murderers) walk right out. Do we really want to put them in charge of anyone’s safety?
At this point, nothing is going to fix the humid pile of beignets, beads, and garbage that is New Orleans, but it is paramount that the rest of the country avoids making the same mistakes. We’ve seen the devastation of Philadelphia, Baltimore, and the entire state of California as just a few examples of what can happen when there is no accountability or book keeping. Money won’t solve these issues, people will. The right people.
