People In Pictures
Sam Sykes ~ 05/23/2025
I’m not sure how much or how often I plan on writing this series, but I know two things. It will be intermittent and there is no shortage of ridiculous people in the world. Today I thought I’d post five pictures and try to get a better understanding of the world around me.
Fashion is a form of expression everyone is forced to participate in. You can’t hang dong in public without doing 8-10 years, so everyone, in various degrees of caring, adorn themselves with clothing and jewelry that represents a little slice of who they are.
First up, we have Richard. I don't actually know what his name is, but he seems like a Richard. I used this picture before in my first ever article for Riot Club, but it’s so good, I had to use it again. What can we tell about this guy? First off, he either has the funniest friends in the world or the worst friends in the world, and there is little in between. There is a good chance his buddies saw the skinny and the tucked in T-shirt and simply held back their laughs, gave each other a glance, and quietly relished the chance to see him hit the streets of Nashville dressed like a bisexual grandpa. The worst case scenario is that these guys are oblivious to the way Richard is dressed and are choosing to roam the streets of Nashville with a guy who will have one or two light beers and fixate on the women’s basketball game playing on the bar TV. The world needs Richards, maybe more now than ever before, but leave the partying to the professionals Richie. He should be rebuilding the Baltimore bridge or analyzing car safety standards with lights out by 8:30.
This next one is not a person, admittingly, but an idea. I saw this car a few weeks ago and had a hard time trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. My first thought was that with all the anti-Elon and anti-Tesla terrorism out there, it wouldn’t be the worst idea to ‘tard up your car with green flames and a communist vanity plate to throw possible vandals off target. The only issue is that the “I bought a Tesla before Elon went crazy” bumper sticker would have sufficed. There was no need for a professional wrap on your car that shows you probably have too much disposable income. I had all kinds of imaginings of the freak driving this car, maybe a fat dude with a tiny T-shirt littered with sarcastic comments or gaming paraphernalia. Much later and to my surprise, it was just an average middle-aged guy.
This next photo was actually taken by our glorious managing editor Mike Leitao while he was reporting on the board game convention in Philadelphia. There is just so much to breakdown in this one that I don’t know where to start. These nerds of course dress in drab, muted colors while 80% of them wear glasses for some reason. Our first pair of fellas, closest to the camera, are definitely a lot younger than they look. The ‘tism has a way of really accelerating the forces of gravity and grayness. All of those late night monster energy fueled gaming grinds have taken their toll. I would love to know what’s going on with the guy on the right and his hair. It’s some kind of overwashed (won’t find a lot of that at a gaming convention) and blown out karen-style hair. The game next to these gentlemen features a skinny guy playing with some chick who most definitely does not play by the binary rules. You’ll find that the hair at these types of gatherings is either hyper maintained but quirky, or just flat out neglected grease traps.
SIDE NOTE: What’s the deal with these long tables? If you and a friend decide you want to play, someone has to walk all the way around? Seems like an inefficient design by perceived board game creators.
This is where the fun starts. I saw this fake shopper/creep at the grocery store. He cycled between pretending to shop and death-staring at teenage girls. What can we tell about this guy? Besides the fact that he’s a pervert, we can assume his understanding of the English language and American fashion trends are both novice. First, and most noticeably, he is wearing a shirt that reads “Remarkably Black” where each letter is actually spelled out using the names of various American blacks of fame. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X are a few of the names this remarkably NOT black guy is repping. He’s also rocking some cream colored women’s sandals to match his knockoff adidas shorts. At various times through his shopping trip he picked up and carried items, like this plastic bag, for a time before dumping it off somewhere and grabbing something new. Whatever it takes to check out some 13-year-olds I guess.
Finally, my pièce de résistance, maybe the most annoying but interesting person in the world. I tried to pick a name for her, but the task proved difficult. I assume she actually has (relatively) normal parents, probably working stiffs with a quiet but eccentric undercurrent, and they probably named her something TOO normal in 1983. I’m thinking “Lisa”.
I saw Lisa on the patio of a bar catering to yuppies and other urban professionals, both of which, I am thankfully not. This means that the outdoor section is not so much a breezy bar, but a dog kennel full of liberals and craft beer. This big lady having a tiny dog, who I overheard was named “Sarah”, was not uncommon in the slightest. However, an emotional support lizard is just plain odd, but to be fair, this chick was interesting from head to toe.
She may be the first person to ever match Pit Viper sunglasses with a faux-pearl necklace choker, points for creativity and confusion. The Lokai bracelet was a blast from the past, I thought they only sold those to 8th graders. Lisa also seems to be the worst advertisement for Fitbits as I’m sure she does a ton of exercising in her Chucky shirt that’s tucked into a pair of basketball shorts. The skate shoes are a fun touch for someone who has a zero percent chance of being a skater. It inspires me to dress like an astronaut or a wizard the next time I go to grab a drink with a reptile.
A part of me wishes I could be there the one fateful morning Lisa wakes up to find her lizard lifelessly rigor mortis. Can you imagine the sobbing that ensues? The screaming cries of a mother that just lost her scaly best friend, dare I say, child. That relationship is borderline abusive, Mr. Lizard knows he is incapable of giving or receiving love, and yet, Lisa gives him her whole heart and a bandana too.