FROM THE COUCH XXII
Mike Leitao ~ 11/04/2025
The question is do we focus on this being week 9 of the NFL season, or week 2 of From The Couch. Obviously From The Couch is the bigger deal, but we can be polite to the NFL and focus on week 9. Except I have no puns around the number 9, right now the entire world only has puns around 6 7. Now that I have said the forbidden numbers, everything else I write in this article will be pointless since I have already hit peak. So I guess it is just time to give my opinion on all the games while trying to relate to kids throwing in a 6 7 in every section (I ain’t doing this I would rather kill myself).
Ravens vs Dolphins:
We got a classic Thursday Night matchup between an absolute dogshit team in the Dolphins and a good team with a dogshit record in the Ravens. As was a shocker to absolutely no one, the Ravens laid belt to ass and spanked the Dolphins. The score makes it look bad, but not as bad as it really was. The Dolphins are so cooked for a long time as they have to make a decision on the rebuild, and Miami is lucky for teams like the Jets and Browns to continue being the laughing stock of the AFC, since they belong in that convo.
Bears vs Bengals:
I am a firm believer that the idea of taking the worst NFL team versus the best NCAA team would always result in the NFL team beating the NCAA in embarrassing fashion. Every week I have to watch this Bengals defense though, a larger and larger part of me thinks that the best NCAA team could probably drop at least 40 on this defense. Calling it bad is an understatement, there actually aren’t words that can be written to really describe how bad they are. All you can say is 4 plays, 72 yards, and 37 seconds. That is the combined stats of the drive the Bears (yes, the team with the gay QB) had at the end of the game to take back the lead. If I was on offense and I dropped 42 points and then watched the defense do what they do, I would deadass beat the shit out of them. I have to imagine during practice scrimmages, the offense scores every time.
Vikings vs Lions:
Lets do some rapid fire points here after a longer one previously. First, can we get this man Jefferson a QB, my fantasy team begs. Secondly, the Lions are lowkey just not that good and I feel like it's time we admit that. Third and final, McCarthy is still not a good QB regardless of his wins, they should have kept Darnold they might actually be one of the best teams in the NFC with him.
Panthers vs Packers:
How can you be hyped up as Super Bowl contenders, favorites even, have some close and bad games and people start to sour on you, but you turn it around and make people believe again. And then on your home field, a field notorious for being hard to play on as a road team, you lose to the FUCKING CAROLINA PANTHERS. Bryce Young was not even good, they once again relied Rico Dowdle to carry, which if you knew you should have been stacking but whatever. It is embarrassing for the Packers and all but confirms they ain’t got what it takes to be that team.
Broncos vs Texans:
I could talk about Stroud getting hurt or some other bullshit but none of that matters. We gotta talk about the legendary game from the kicker with the best name in football, Ka’imi Fairbairn. Sure, he missed a field goal and his longest make was only 41 yards, but a 5 field goal game will always get praise from me. Kickers are people too.
Falcons vs Patriots:
Y’all remember 28-3? The Falcons choked in the Super Bowl, we all laughed at them. Yeah anytime these teams play now that is all I can think or care about. Also Drake “Better Than Herbert” Maye is still that guy.
49ers vs Giants:
Instead of using this to talk about the game, let's talk about how Jalen Hurts is the worst QB in the NFC East. All other QBs elevate their teams and are clearly very good and talented, Hurts just game manages and steals TDs from other players. Jalen Hurts is mid, bring back Carson Wentz.
Colts vs Steelers:
The Steelers might be the middest of the mid teams in the league, but they also found a way to be one of the only teams to be able to stop the Colts unbelievable offense. Daniel Jones lowkey still looks great, but it is obvious that if you can get ahead of the Colts early and try to take away the run game from the Colts and Taylor, your chances of winning drastically increase. Now the question becomes do we see the Colts fall down to Earth, or do we see them adjust and keep the momentum going? Also the Steelers are still looking like a crisp 9-8.
Chargers vs Titans:
I am not watching a Titans game, I have better things to do with my sad life. One on hand, how are you a team that is supposed to be good like the Chargers and you only beat the shitty Titans by 1 score? On the other hand, how do you score 20 points but your entire offense played like shit? TDs off a pick six and a punt return while the offense stalls is embarrassing. The Titans offense with the Bengals defense might actually be a team so bad they could make people give up on the NFL.
Saints vs Rams:
The Saints suck a lot, the Rams do not. This game was played and ended how you would expect, no additional commentary needed.
Jaguars vs Raiders:
Both these teams suck, yet we got some absolute bangers out of this game. First off, 30-29 is a fun, high scoring, and exciting game. Then you look deeper into the game and realize we got some good shit here. Brock Bowers returned from injury with a nice “fuck you I am the best TE in the league do not forget” game dropping 127 yards and 3 TDs to make Geno Smith look somewhat decent. But the real star of this game was Cam Little, with a 3/3 field goal and 3/3 extra point game. That is already good, but then you add on a new NFL record 68 yard field goal onto the game and it becomes the stuff of legend. The fact that the Jaguars took the kickoff to the 31 yard line, and then picked up only 19 yards on the drive before getting points is actually scary. We are getting closer and closer to teams getting to the point of only needing a couple first downs after a kick off to be in scoring range, and when that happens offenses are going to explode.
Chiefs vs Bills:
On paper this is an exciting game. Then you remember it is a Chiefs vs Bills game in the regular season which means the Bills will win like they always do in the regular season, since the Chiefs always have their number when it matters. Mahomes played like shit, but honestly no one really seems to care about Mahomes or the Chiefs anymore which is wild considering a year ago it was all people cared about. I am sure when they make it to the Super Bowl again people will complain again and all will be right in the world.
Seahawks vs Commanders:
I know the Commanders were good last year, but I think we all knew they were going to regress to being a fringe playoff team at best this year. So why the hell are we getting back to back primetime games with these guys? They suck, Daniels is hurt again, and no one cares about this team. The Seahawks though, that is a scary good team. If Darnold wins the MVP the Jets should be banned from drafting QBs, they should just embrace the Army style of offense and run the ball every play, because I do not know how much more we need to see before we confirm it is QB hell.
Cardinals vs Cowboys:
For some reason I could not get this game up on ESPN for the life of me, so I just watched the Canucks vs Predators instead. The Predators announcers would not shut up about missing Cole Smith which felt really weird, and the game was pretty mid overall to be honest. I can’t imagine I missed much though since both the Cowboys and Cardinals are kind of meh teams currently too.
