FROM THE COUCH XXVI
Mike Leitao ~ 12/09/2025
You are watching a mastermind at work. Being the genius I am and knowing internet trends I purposely skipped From The Couch Week 6 so that way I could just go right into episode 7 and let the 6 7 jokes write themselves. I was going to attempt to put a 6 7 joke in every game piece but then remembered that although I do hate myself quite a bit, I don’t hate myself enough to put myself through that much torture. Plus that would be an absolute dogshit read.
Cowboys vs Lions:
Two teams who played on Thanksgiving, meaning they have ample rest for a Thursday Night Football game, and find themselves on the outside looking in for the NFC playoff picture, you know this one was set up to be good. The Cowboys shit defense but great offense strategy is not ideal for winning football games, but it sure is a great way to make for entertaining games. Both teams played well and there really isn’t anyone to make fun of, so shoutout Jahmyr Gibbs for dropping 3 TDs in the last fantasy football regular season game.
Seahawks vs Falcons:
Wow, who would’ve thought. The Seahawks, who are fighting to be the best team in the NFL, laid belt to ass on the Falcons, one of the worst teams in the league. Seahawks dominated, mainly using the passing game instead of relying on one of the better RB duos in the NFL, but hey a win is a win. Meanwhile I have to imagine Atlanta is mad depressing to be in right now. It is already a pretty shit city but with the Falcons being so mad and not having a first round pick next year it must feel like mediocrity city.
Steelers vs Ravens:
Who doesn’t love a good ole fashion AFC North clash between two teams fighting for the playoffs. Everyone will talk about the potential officiating mistakes that could end up having a huge impact on the AFC North playoff race, but I think we all need to be honest. The AFC North winner is going to end up hosting a first round matchup against a Bills team that will whoop them so does it really matter? What we should be talking about is the fact the Steelers are well on their way to another legendary 9-8 season, but this one feels special. This is THE 9-8 season, if you were to draw up a season of reference on how to be average, it would be this Steeler’s season.
Titans vs Browns:
A rookie QB battle between the top pick and who many presumed to be the second pick of the draft heading into the offseason. I imagine the league was very happy that Sanders was finally starting by the time this matchup rolled around. This was actually a very fun game, and although Cam Ward got the win I would be lying if I said Sanders did not win the QB battle. He actually looked pretty good so I will give him his flowers, I still do not think he is some franchise altering QB but if he keeps playing like he did versus the Titans it will be hard to argue.
Colts vs Jaguars:
The saddest injury of the season happened earlier when Skattebo went down. Now, we see the second saddest injury as white boy comeback player of the year is done for the season. It is sad to see Jones’s great season end on a brutal injury, but that news was quickly overshadowed by the idea and possibly real scenario where a 44-year-old Philip Rivers who has not played in 5 years comes out of retirement to suit up for the Colts. If you gave me 30 guesses to guess the next QB of the Colts, I can promise he would not have been part of the group. I pray this happens because the next few articles on the Colts will simply write themselves.
Commanders vs Vikings:
I have heard so many times about the idea of a WR being QB proof, normally when really good WRs are able to be successful with a wide array of QBs at different skill levels. The idea is that this is the true test to prove who are the truly elite WRs versus those that are just good. Justin Jefferson and JJ McCarthy might be the first combo to prove there is such a thing as a QB so bad that even a QB proof WR would suffer. What McCarthy has done to Jefferson should honestly be punishable by public execution. He has played so bad that even if he went on a crazy hot streak to end the season I would still call him a huge bust and that he should be out of the league, he has caused that much damage in less than a season's time. Free Jefferson.
Dolphins vs Jets:
The Dolphins have the same record as the Chiefs. The Jets do in fact suck a lot and Miami has not beaten a team that impressive during their little run of winning, but sometimes all you have to do is beat the teams put in front of you. Miami is still a longshot to make the playoffs, but if they can finish with the same record or better as the Chiefs, I would call this season a W.
Saints vs Buccaneers:
Imagine losing to fucking Tyler Shough. Dude looks like a finance major working in downtown Pittsburgh. How do you, as a team that opened the season as a NFC playoff lock and potential dark horse Super Bowl team, not only lose to one of the worst teams in the league with an actual bum at QB, but also are now tied with the Panthers for the division. If they choke so badly they let 4 foot 5 Bryce Young make the playoffs the falloff of this team will be so huge it will be studied in classes for hundreds of years.
Bengals vs Bills:
Bengals offense is rolling and looking great? Check. The Bills are underperforming and looking like they are going to lose to a team they should beat? Check. Joe Burrow starts turning the ball over in the 4th quarter to allow the Bills to come back and win? Check. Joe Burrow is bailed out by fans who claim the defense is shit and Burrow is a top 5 QB in the league as the Bengals continue to be a team with some super talented pieces but nowhere close to competing? Check. Sounds like exactly what I would have expected from a Bengals vs Bills game.
Broncos vs Raiders:
The Broncos might be the top team in the AFC, but a lot of the games they have played in have been too close for comfort for a top team. Only beating the Raiders by 7 is concerning, and Bo Nix continues to look more game manager instead of star. Even with all that though, they keep winning games and seem likely to win the AFC West and potentially get the first round bye, so I cannot fault the team too much. Also, Raiders are so shit they need some real help in a lot of places to get out of the basement of irrelevancy.
Bears vs Packers:
The Bears entered the weekend as the top team in the NFC and a chance to go on the road to Lambeau to prove they belonged. They then did not do that. Caleb Williams was mid, so the fact they only lost by a TD is impressive in some way. This team very clearly will live and die at the hands of Caleb Williams, for better or for worse. Meanwhile the Packers really seem to have hit their stride after some mid play earlier in the year and are looking to establish themselves as part of the elite of the NFC. Right now the 2 seed looks like the best spot in the NFC as they will most likely play the winner of a weak NFC East compared to the top seed that will get a bye but most likely be playing the Seahawks or Rams.
Rams vs Cardinals:
The Rams are very good at football, the Cardinals are not very good at football. One team scored 45, the other team scored 17. I think you can use those two pieces of information to figure out what happened and why it is not worth talking about.
Texans vs Chiefs:
Before we discuss the fall of the Chiefs, let us take a moment to applaud the Texans. Their defense looks incredible and if they win the AFC South, teams better watch out as that will be a scary 3 seed for teams. Now, the Chiefs. What a fall from the top it has been. Truthfully, it does not feel like there is any one thing in particular to point to for this collapse, it simply just became time. The Chiefs now have a major chance to miss the postseason and I imagine if that happens the offseason will be very interesting. Do they offload veterans in an attempt to get younger? Do they try for a big splash or two in free agency to get back to the top quickly? With a playoff miss, they might end up being the most interesting team of the offseason.
Eagles vs Chargers:
Watch out, we are officially on Jalen “I’m A Fraud” Hurts alert. This was a game between two teams with overrated QBs. The story leaving this game will be all about how Jalen Hurts looked awful, the Eagles have now lost 3 in a row and are at risk of maybe dropping the division to the Cowboys, and how this incredible team turned so poor in just one season. Seriously, at least the Chiefs were dominant for a while, the Eagles are looking like a one and done. Of course, all of this is really just a distraction from the fact Justin “I am worse than Drake Maye” Herbert is actually pretty ass this year. In this game alone he did not hit 150 yards and had 1 TD to 2 turnovers. 11 INTs on the year along with 2 fumbles is not elite QB play. This dude is a fraud who continues to get bailed out by other teams mistakes or fans just refusing to admit he is actually pretty mid.
