FROM THE COUCH XXV
Mike Leitao ~ 11/19/2025
What ever happened to the $5 footlong? In today’s economy that would be such a banging deal even though Subway is genuine ass. Now we just have hoagiefest (if you don’t have a Wawa you don’t know what you are missing) which is arguably better since Wawa is much better than Subway and never had a child predator as their mascot. Anyways, time for episode 5 of From The Couch which will be the best episode of the season since episode 5 is always the best (if you know you know).
Bills vs Texans:
Everyone remember last week when Allen had his god game? Yeah he decided this week was his time to have his “watch me be shit at football” game. This was a rough outing for the Bills who, similar to the Chiefs, look like they are no longer the top of the AFC and now just a playoff team. The Texans pick up a big win thanks to long neck Davis Mills while CJ Stroud looks like a pissy toddler in the locker room, so I am sure overall team morale will be great for the Texans once Stroud takes back over.
Colts vs Chiefs:
This was certainly a tale of two games. Through the first three quarters it looked like the Colts were going to be celebrating a huge win over the Chiefs holding a 20-9 lead. They then allowed the Chiefs to score 11 unanswered points to force overtime where the Chiefs would pull off the win. Most people will leave this game thinking this is proof the Chiefs will continue to be a serious threat regardless of the standings, but I look at this as a potential fraud alert on the Colts. This almost win for the Colts was not due to great play on offense as they actually played pretty shit. I love seeing Daniel Jones play like a good QB but every game I see I just do not see him as a Super Bowl winning QB and without that it is going to be hard to be anything more than a potential playoff disappointment.
Seahawks vs Titans:
The Seahawks needed to rebound after a bad showing against the Rams, and they did that by… beating one of the worst teams in the league by only 6 points. Darnold looked good which he needed and JSN is probably the best WR in the league currently. Cam Ward looked great which is exciting for the 4 Titans fans in the world.
Giants vs Lions:
GAME OF THE FUCKING YEAR. I would sell my soul to make Jameis Winston immortal and be a starting QB every year. He is deadass probably one of the most talented players in the NFL currently and you can see it whenever he gets the chance to play. At least 5 times a game you just sit there thinking holy shit how did he do that. Having a 33 yard TD RECEPTION AS THE QB and the fact the TD was actually impressive by Jameis says everything you need to know. Dart will most likely be back shortly but fuck it release Winston so he can go tear it up somewhere like Arizona.
Jets vs Ravens:
Honestly unless the Jets are also playing a bottom feeder team does anyone care about a game they are in? I do not oncesoever, so I will be moving on. That is, after I point out Lamar Jackson has put up back to back shit games meaning we should be very close to the return of the “Lamar Jackson is actually a RB” jokes which will be great to have revived.
Vikings vs Packers:
This fucking Michigan handoff merchant has to actually be one of the most ass players of all time. In my mind this guy is in all time bust territory, he seriously is already looked at as a lost cause that no one in their right mind wants to see play. 87 passing yards, no TDs, and 2 interceptions is not only a bad game, it is the type of game that should make a team with a question about their QB realize he is complete garbage and be ready to move on. The Vikings should be at the top of the list of teams looking for QB replacements (Anthony Richardson?)
Steelers vs Bears:
Man I bet this matchup went crazy in the 70s. Now it is the 2020s though, which means I have no interest in watching the ultimate 9-8 team play a team who has never had a QB throw for over 4k yards in a season. The Bears won, Steelers are well on their way to another 9-8 season and that is all I can say about these teams.
Patriots vs Bengals:
Not gonna lie, Drake Maye was not that great this weekend. Lots of yards but only 1 TD to 1 INT is nothing to write home about, especially since he played the dog water Bengals defense. The Joe Flacco experience is no longer fun, I think everyone is ready for Joe Burrow to come back so that we can go back to watching the Bengals lose 50-49 with Chase having 250 yards. That was way more fun than whatever the hell this is.
Jaguars vs Cardinals:
These two teams are just so boring. There is nothing exciting about these teams so even though they went to OT there is just nothing of relevance to discuss. Now something that would make these teams interesting instantly would be if we gave them Jameis Winston. For games like this we should just have Winston be the permanent QB for both teams, kind of like back in school when the only kid who could throw would be QB for both teams so everyone could have fun. It would certainly make a game like this at least somewhat enjoyable for whatever poor souls choose to watch.
Browns vs Raiders:
Let it be known this will be a Shedeur Sanders hate section and as long as he starts it will be that. This man played one of the worst defenses in the league and has the audacity to talk all that shit after the game about “imagine what happens when I get a full year of practice”. This dude is so annoying I wish he just did not get drafted at all. Over half of his passing yards came on 2 passes, he barely broke 200 passing yards and 50% completion, and he had 1 TD to 1 INT and that TD was a 66 yard screen pass TD where the RB did all the damn work. This dude was carried to a win by a dominant defensive performance and he and his ugly fans are not going to shut up about this shit for months on end. We are in the darkest timeline.
Eagles vs Cowboys:
One word, yikes. Going up 21-0 on Dallas is to be expected and that should have set the tone for the game. Instead they decided to take an early leave from the game and let the Cowboys score 24 unanswered points and win the game in regulation. As expected, everyone on Twitter (X is not a real app) is calling for all types of shit between killing AJ Brown or replacing Jalen Hurts with literally anyone else (Jameis Winston?), it is the exact overreaction you would expect from a loss like this to their bitter division rivals. The Eagles are still pretty clearly the team to beat in that division though, so maybe everyone can just chill the hell out?
Falcons vs Saints:
These teams are both super ass, but they are not like the fun type of ass teams where you actively enjoy watching them, just the type of ass that is actually kind of sad. Because of this, I made the correct choice with my mental health and just did not watch this game.
Buccaneers vs Rams:
Are the Buccaneers frauds? I don’t know if that is the correct response to this game but it might not be totally wrong. In truth though, the Rams look like an absolute wagon and will most likely have the MVP of the league in Stafford while going into the playoffs as the Super Bowl favorites. Los Angeles Rams vs Los Angeles Chargers Super Bowl matchup? Just kidding, there is no shot the Chargers make it to the Super Bowl with Justin “I am worse than Maye” Herbert.
Panthers vs 49ers:
Another week, another Monday Night Football game I am unable to watch due to the dumb shit with ESPN and YouTube TV. Luckily for me, the Monday Night Football matchups this week have been lowkey ass so I have not missed anything. Once they finally produce a good one I will be sure to illegally stream it so I can provide the real commentary you all know and love.
