From the Couch XXXI
Mike Leitao ~ 09/22/2026
Week 1 of the NFL season came and went, and although it was exciting and high scoring something was missing. And with week 2 now in the books, the excitement of the NFL season just doesn’t seem to hit the way it did in the past. But fear not, for the reason for your lack of excitement was obviously due to the lack of the greatest content on earth, From the Couch. Season 3 is officially upon us, and after missing week 1 I have decided to graciously return to bless everyone with the type of game analysis you could only get with your drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. I shall not make anyone wait any longer to absorb the greatest writing known to man and will thus officially kick off the next season of From the Couch.
Lions vs Bills:
The NFL decided that unlike all other years, we needed to get Thursday Night Football going strong right out the gates with a matchup between 2 Super Bowl contenders. Both of these teams are great, do not let a 1-point win followed by a 10-point loss convince you the Lions are washed. The real story is Josh Allen, I am playing him in fantasy, and he is going to be the reason I lose, so fuck that guy.
Panthers vs Falcons:
I cannot wait for the next couple of weeks to see if the Panthers offense is genuinely great or if they have just played two of the worst defenses in the league to open their season. The Falcons meanwhile put out one of the worst QB performances in the last decade, 2 QBs who combined for less than 150 yards and 3 interceptions, actually embarrassing to be willingly rolling Rush and Strand out as your QBs. There have to be at least 10 better options between free agency or trading, do not make the city of Atlanta experience any more torture than they already have to for being Atlanta.
Saints vs Ravens:
Why are the Saints actually good? Like I expected them to be a competent team and I thought they would win the division with a nice 9-8 record, but why are they playing like an actual real competitive and good team? Meanwhile the Ravens honestly look kind of mid and the fact that they are on pace to have no healthy receivers by week 5 is pretty concerning for a team that people thought was good.
Vikings vs Bears:
How do you score over 50 points in week 1 and then come out at home and score 3? That in and of itself is embarrassing, but to then have your QB acting like he got shot while they take him out on the medical cart, making everyone think the season is lost. Just to come out the next day and say it was a hamstring injury, and he might play next week. Caleb Williams will never beat the allegations.
Bengals vs Texans:
Back in the day, the Bengals were a fun watch because Burrow, Chase, and Higgins would always be exciting to watch on offense and normally needed to play well the whole game for them to win since the defense was so ass. Now all the sudden the Bengals defense is showing out like a top tier unit, they feel like an actual complete team now. Meanwhile the Texans kind of suck, they honestly have been bailed out for a long time for being in such a weak division but with the Jaguars actually looking competitive the Texans might be on their way to a famous place known as continuous mediocrity.
Steelers vs Patriots:
I do not know how anyone other than Steelers fans could try and justify watching this team play. They are so boring and have so little talent, when they have the ball on offense I don’t even care because at their best they are still a super boring watch. The Patriots didn’t even play that well and dominated them, the Steelers could very well be on their way to a bottom 5 record and a somewhat long rebuild, but maybe then they will at least get some fun players to watch.
Packers vs Jets:
Why are the Jets actually fun all of the sudden? I found myself actively hardcore rooting for the Jets to pull off the upset, which might make this the most exciting Jets team in a very long time. The Packers went from blowing a lead in week 1 to making the other team blow a lead in week 2, so it seems like the Packers are going to be a team you only need to watch the 4th quarter of going forward.
Browns vs Buccaneers:
Weather delays suck, especially when it involves two not good teams, like just play it out in the rain no one cares about you. Baker continues to prove the Browns right with his inability to win against them, and Watson somehow earns himself at least a couple more starts before he either hurts himself or ends up in another lawsuit.
Eagles vs Titans:
Cam Ward is not a good QB, so almost losing to him in 2026 is not something to be proud of. Fair play to the Eagles for being 2-0, but they are looking more like a fraud team than an undefeated team. I did not catch any post game media, but I assume Cam Ward told them he is actually the greatest QB ever and a media member told him to kill himself since that is how most of his media events go it seems.
Jaguars vs Broncos:
Both these teams looked like complete opposites compared to week 1. I think the Broncos defensive abilities they showed here are more likely to continue throughout the season, but the offense does worry me about them being real contenders. I expect the Jaguars to bounce back, I still think they are one of the most underrated teams in the league that ironically employ one of the most overrated players in the league (Parker Washington is not that guy).
Raiders vs Chargers:
Are the Chargers actually bad? They should not only be 2-0, but they should have won each game by double digits. Instead, they sit with an embarrassing 0-2 record and when you look at their schedule they do not have an easy game for another 8 weeks. If the Chargers take longer to get a win than the Dolphins, nuke the team. Also the Raiders are 2-0, that’s cool I guess.
Commanders vs Cowboys:
Washington has an obsession with 1 year wonder QBs who have awful durability and leave the fan base asking what if for years on end. I like Jayden Daniels as a player (as a person that is a whole nother conversation), but with the injury luck between last season and weeks 1 and 2 this year it is hard to imagine a world where he can be relied upon, especially for a team more devoid of talent than fans might want to admit. The Cowboys got a good bounce back, but still have some work to do to establish themselves as anything more than mid.
Seahawks vs Cardinals:
Remember when the Cardinals won last week and the offense looked cool and fun and we thought they might at least be a fun watch. That didn’t last long. To be fair to the Cardinals, the Seahawks seem to have the best defense in the NFL so maybe this is an overreaction. What is not an overreaction is that JSN is going to win back-to-back offensive player of the year with the way he has been playing so far.
Dolphins vs 49ers:
Dolphins = sad and bad at football. 49ers = exciting and good at football. Dolphins vs 49ers = 49ers win easily with nothing worth talking about. Tune in next week for another episode of Dolphins Suck.
Colts vs Chiefs:
I honestly do not know why people are saying Chiefs vs Refs. I think the Chiefs committed penalties and the refs called them, simple as that. Ignoring all of that, this was an exciting Sunday Night Football game that really makes it seem like the Chiefs are fully back. Their run-first offense mixed with good efficiency from Kelce, Rice, and Worthy make them a scary team. Meanwhile I think the Colts showed everyone exactly what to expect this season, a team that will heavily rely on JT to stay in the game, but when Jones needs to make big time plays the combination of lack of talent and lack of skill will stop the Colts from getting the job done. I could see a great JT season that happens during a super depressing Colts season.
Giants vs Rams:
I can’t believe people really tried to hype up the Giants after beating a bad Cowboys defense. The Rams are still legit Super Bowl favorites and they proved it by dominating the bum ass Giants. Dart gets hurt again and how many more injuries and blue tent visits is it going to take until we decide he is actually injury prone? The good news is that we potentially get some Winston action which means fun football, and at the end of the day isn’t that all we can really ask for?